Dancing (until you see stars)

I don't audition well.

I know this because my ballroom coach once told me so. She still put me on the team because she'd been my teacher the year before and knew I'd polish up well. And because, she once pulled me aside to say after I'd suffered a disappointment, she also doesn't audition well.

And that's fine, because, frankly, I'm okay with not ever being the star of the show. And I'm fine with not being a professional ballroom dancer today (though maybe that looked like fun to me once). Sometimes, though, it would be nice to show what I can actually do at an audition rather than looking like an idiot.

I lectured the girls about this before we tried out for the musical. I told them that they were to give it their all. They were to sing with gusto, and if the casting director told them to jump, they'd say, "how high?"

And then we all three went up on stage and looked like idiots.

Seriously.

Because apparently looking like an idiot is genetic.

The casting director was like, "Can you bark for me?"

Miriam said, "No," and was not cast as a puppy.

Rachel said, "Arf?" and surprisingly was cast as a puppy (because she seriously just said, "Arf?" it didn't sound like a dog at all; she just forced those phonemes out in a row and smacked a question mark on the end. "Arf?" I suppose they thought they could work with that).

I was put in the easiest dance sequence, which was a little depressing because I can dance.


My friend Laura, however, was cast in a second dance sequence and she begged me to take her place because she knows she can't dance. Evidently, however, she auditions better than I do when it comes to dancing because this number was a samba for crying out loud. I can samba!

I jumped at the chance to switch roles with her because if I'm going to do this musical I may as well do this musical. We got that switch cleared with our director and I got to learn the samba routine and learned it well enough to be given a bit of trickier part. So I was now officially in two dance numbers.

Then our director sent out an email before the first practice asking if anyone else wanted to dance in the third ensemble dance.

At the time I was sick (with a cough, totally not what I had yesterday) so I didn't go, but then I kept thinking that it looked like a fun dance and maybe I did want to do it, so I asked the director if I still could (since they hadn't had a second rehearsal yet) and she said to go for it, so I studied along with the video they sent out and had my friend Marian tutor me and was totally planning on making it to the second rehearsal, which was tonight.

But then I got this darn stomach bug, which could have been a sign that I really wasn't supposed to do this dance. I mean, I clearly didn't make the cut at the audition, then I was sick for the first rehearsal, and now I couldn't stop throwing up and was going to miss the second rehearsal.

But then I did stop throwing up with enough time to allow 24 hours to pass before rehearsal time this evening so I went to rehearsal and explained to our dance director that I missed the first practice but that I'd tried learning the routine on my own and was going to give it a shot...and also that I wasn't feeling fabulous because I just got over the stomach flu like yesterday (literally yesterday).

"That's fine," she said. "I can't guarantee you'll be on the front row, but we can use another dancer."

I must have had a really great tutor (thanks, Marian) because I nailed it and was chosen (along with Marian and a few other ladies) to dance "a bit of a tricker" part.

This part involves a sideways handstandy thing, followed by a cartwheel, followed by a coffee grinder, followed by a sideways somersault, followed by a toe-touch straddle-leap thing.

The dancing was a bit much so I'm a little nervous for the video to be sent out because when they recorded us (at the end of two hours of jumping around and cartwheeling) I was (rightfully) exhausted (I didn't even get to my last toe-touch straddle-leap thing (I was like, I can't even stand up anymore).

Only 36 hours previously I'd been kneeling over the toilet, so I think I'm mostly okay with that.

Anyway, this has been my experience with any team or play I've ever tried out for—if I happen to actually land a slot. So I might not addition well, but I can do well if given a shot, so it evens out.

If only auditions weren't so important...