Shout, pout, let it all out

My numbers were good.

And now they're not. Not at all.

For lunch I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich paired with a nice bowl of cottage cheese. I hate cottage cheese but a half cup has almost two servings of protein, which is pretty awesome. So, less than three carbs for lunch and three whole servings of protein plus a half hour on the exercise bike (yes, on the Sabbath, but see, if I don't exercise after eating then I basically can't eat—for real).

Two hours after eating and my blood sugar was 136 mg/dL (on the new monitor). I freaked out and checked it on the old monitor and it was 118 mg/dL (which is still high but not as high).

I know that fruit sets me over the edge; I know that. But that high? It was a small banana, guys. And in theory I should be able to eat a little fruit every now and then. And I paired it with plenty of fat and protein and my bread was whole wheat...so...what gives?!

Last night for dinner I had a carefully measured single serving of noodles noodles with cottage cheese and a salad with tomatoes, cucumbers and almonds. After a half hour on the bike my blood sugar was 110 mg/dL, which is still relatively high (though below my 120 mg/dL limit). I only had one serving of carbohydrate because my numbers had been ridiculously high all day, so I decided to experiment by cutting out some carbs just to see what would happen. Turns out...it doesn't matter.

So, basically, right now I feel like I can't eat anything. There is no way to burn off all the sugar I consume since even one serving of carbohydrate puts me higher than I'd like to be. And it's not even like I'm eating one serving of pure sugar. I have had no sweets for about a month now: no candy, no ice cream, no cookies, no cereal, no honey. Nothing. No sugar.

I don't really want to go on medication for this, but I no longer believe diet and exercise is going to cut it. I really don't. Now I have to wait about two weeks to see my doctor and by then the baby's probably going to weigh ten pounds.

Part of the discrepancy in my numbers, I'm sure, is the new monitor. I've done a few double tests just to see where things line up and my new monitor consistently reads 10 to 20 mg/dL higher than my old monitor. But it's hard to say which monitor is giving the more accurate reading...

Suffice it to say, I'm going crazy.

Eating anything makes my blood sugar difficult to control, but I also can't wait too long between eating because my goal is to keep my blood sugar stable (so I have to avoid dropping too low between meals).

I felt like I was killing myself before, getting my numbers to sit just right. I don't even want to think about what I have to do now. I ride the exercise bike for an hour and a half every day. I try to eat perfectly manicured meals, balancing my proteins and carbs and getting lots of vegetables (and hardly any fruits) in there.

I have had an egg for breakfast every morning for the last three weeks. I HATE EGGS! But every morning I get up and I make an egg and a piece of toast and eat that with a spinach salad on the side. And I can do that for as long as necessary even though I hate it. But I can't do it for every meal.

It's dinner time right now. Everyone is eating except for me. I'm waiting for a little while longer because I have to take my blood sugar after dinner, too, and I don't really want to add any sugar to the 140 mg/dL already cruising my blood stream before I take my blood sugar again. BUT if I don't eat soon then I won't have time to work out before we leave for 8 is Great (because we have a daughter turning eight this year—what?!) and that's going to be problematic as well.

I meant to have a handful of almonds with lunch as well, but I forgot because Benjamin woke up from his nap just as I was finishing up. I napped during lunchtime, see, because I had a snack after church so I could make it through choir but then choir was basically cancelled (we sang through one song) which meant that I would have been fine not having a snack and waiting until lunch. Except that I already had my snack, which meant that by the time everyone else was having lunch it was too soon for me to have lunch. So I took a nap.

And then Andrew magically got everyone to take a nap (granted, the girls had a late-over at a friend's house and then we had to get up somewhat early to get ready for church) so when I woke up to my alarm telling me that enough time had passed—in theory—and I could eat again everyone was asleep. But Benjamin woke up just as I was finishing and instead of getting the almonds, like I was intending to do, I...forgot. Maybe if I had eaten those it would have helped (drought in California be darned) but perhaps not.

So, right now I'm sad and mad and stressed (and all those negative emotions help raise your blood sugar levels—yay!) and if there was a magical pill I could swallow to regulate all this without as much of a headache (which, there kind of is) I would take it in a heartbeat.