It's all your fault I screen my phone calls

I just input the first number, of many, I'm sure, to the "screen list" on my phone. And in the last two minutes I've had two missed calls from this number. Make that four.

This is definitely a feature I like.

To make a long story short (because I think we've had enough long stories recently)...Rachel was invited for a play date at her friend Katie's house a few days ago. We had never been to this friend's house before so before leaving I took Mirza's phone number from the Relief Society list that I have and saved it on my phone. I had her home phone number in there already, but I wanted to be sure to have her cell number just in case.

When we got to where her apartment should be I couldn't figure out which one it was, so I called her. For some reason I dialed her cell number instead of her home number. And that is where the problem begins.

See, it wasn't her cell number.

"Hello?" said a voice too deep to be Mirza's.

Thinking it was her husband I said, "Hello, is Mirza there?"

"Who is this? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name?"

Upon hearing the repetition of "what's your name" more than once in a row I realized that I didn't have her husband on the other end. I was speaking to an Arab male who apparently say "hello" very well in English.

"Oh, wrong number. Sorry." I said before hanging up.

I dialed Mirza's home phone number, figured out what apartment was hers, and had a wonderful morning there.

And then the phone calls started.

The first few times I answered because I had simply forgotten that when Mirza's name popped up on my screen it wasn't Mirza's number.

"Hello?" I answered once, expecting Mirza.

"Hello," the voice would respond, "You are beautiful. What's your name?"

*Click.*

"Hello?" I answered a few hours later.

The only response was panting. *Click!*

I stopped answering Mirza's calls. Andrew told me to change the contact name from Mirza to "Creepy Guy." That was a good idea, but it didn't keep the phone from ringing. Nor did it stop Creepy Guy from using other phone numbers to harass me.

I stopped answering my phone altogether.

I left it at home while we went to the zoo. We were gone for four hours or so; I had seventeen missed calls from four different numbers when we got home. Andrew spent the rest of the afternoon/evening answering my phone. Whenever he answered, though, the caller would hang up first. Late, late, late last night the phone rang again and this time when Andrew answered the caller didn't hang up, so Andrew reamed him out in Arabic.

But this morning he called again. Not from his own Creepy Guy phone number, but from a different one that I hadn't added to my contact list. I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello. *pant, pant, pant* What's your name, beautiful? *pant, pant* What's your *pant* name?"

"Stop. Calling. Me." I said before hanging up the phone.

And then I figured out how to add numbers to my screening list. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. So beautiful that I'm singing to myself. I haven't had Spiderwebs stuck in my head since middle school.

Sorry I'm not home right now
Walking into spider webs
Leave a message and I'll call you back...


...It's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls!

So Creepy Guy can still call me, technically--the phone just doesn't ring on my end. Instead my phone lights up with a message telling me that a screened number is calling. There's a big X by the number, advising me not to pick up, I guess. And I don't plan on it. His calls are still listed in my "missed calls" file so I can count the number of times that he calls, which is freakishly frequently.

I'm not really concerned now that I have all four of his numbers in my screen list. But what if he finds more numbers to use? Eventually he has to stop, right?

If not, I wonder if he knows that assaulting a foreigner involves a 3 to 7 year prison sentence. Harassment is probably not punished as severely, but I'm sure there would still be a prison sentence.

I'm not sure I would want to be the one to have to make that call, though, so if screening fails to accomplish anything and this continues, I will probably just fork out the 50 pounds it costs for a new SIM card (and thus new phone number). I don't know. Is that too passive? I tend to be a little passive.

And a little paranoid. Because I know that cell phone companies have you fill out a contract before they give you a SIM card and that contract has your address listed on it and Egypt is really kind of corrupt so I wouldn't doubt that a quasi-generous "tip" could enable any joe-schmo to access information on our contracts that is meant to be private. But that's really entering the realm of paranoia a little too much, don't you think?