Andrew's Toilet Fetish

By the time Rachel comes along, I'm hoping to have Andrew potty trained. I'm not sure that will happen so my "plan B" is to have him trained by the time she starts getting interested in toilets herself.

See, Andrew has this odd habit of putting things in the toilet; as much fun as that might be, I'm not sure that I want my daughter to pick up this habit.

This morning, Andrew decided that one of the shampoo bottles was empty enough, and it probably was. I tend to keep shampoo bottles until absolutely nothing comes out of them. He was considerate and threw the bottle away, but instead of being a normal person and opening the shower curtain to toss the bottle into the garbage can, he blindly (and haphazardly) threw the shampoo bottle over the curtain in the general direction of the garbage can.


As you can see from the picture, it also happens to be the general direction of the toilet. And, of course, the bottle would end up there instead of the garbage can.

Andrew also has this habit of clipping his toenails over the toilet. I happen to think this is a little gross because at my house growing up we clipped our nails anywhere but over the toilet and then threw the nails away. He balances on the toilet and clips directly into it. I try not to mind an extreme amount but I have a deep and unquenchable feeling of utter nastiness when it comes to toilets...so it is difficult at times.

Well, one day Andrew was clipping his nails and I hear a "plunk" and not even seconds later an, "Oh, man!" Yes, the nail clippers ended up in the toilet--I made him fish them out.

I suppose I am just hoping that my daughter can learn proper toilet etiquette and not follow the example of her father and drop random things into the toilet, because I'm pretty sure that she'd then try flushing and that could be detrimental.

Like my nephew, Deklan, who would flush his underwear every time he wet his pants so that he wouldn't get in trouble. Covering up his first mistake was probably a bigger mistake and most likely caused more trouble for him than if he had just dealt with his first mistake in the first place, but that's a life lesson that takes some time to learn.

I, on the other hand, learned pretty young that toilets are not fun to play around, and I wasn't even playing. I was innocently using the potty when I inadvertently fell in. My underwear was soaked and so I had to wear my baby sitter's son's underwear. It had Spiderman on it. I was mortified to have to wear boy's underwear and vowed never to fall in the toilet ever again.

Not too many years after that I was playing at my friend Sarah's house and had to use the restroom. I flushed the toilet and it flooded. Aside from scaring me to death, I was, yet again, completely mortified.

With those two incidents combined, I am pretty sure that I suffered from toilet phobia for many years. In fact, I remember being afraid of toilets (and bathrooms) for quite a few years.

Who would have guessed that as a complete toilet-phobe I would marry a toilet-phile?

He asked me out on our first date using a toilet, filled with Almond Joys and a note saying, "I would be overflowing with joy if you'd go to homecoming with me." In return I wrote the most beautiful poem (and returned the toilet...actually, Andrew came to retrieve the toilet) containing the most dreadful potty language, such as, "I would be hapPEE to go with you!"

Some decorations from our wedding

I suppose I should have taken that little gesture of his as a hint. We even decorated a toilet at our wedding, so of course I should have known that Andrew likes toilets. I walked into this with my eyes wide open.

Hopefully, though, his little fixation will not pass on to our daughter.